I am not a werewolf

I find myself in the rare position of having to defend myself against charges of lycanthropy. Dirk, one of my semi-regular readers has posted the following comment to my London Challenge post:

"Are you SURE you're not a werewolf? I have a picture that says otherwise. There doesn't seem to be a way for me to post it here, so I'll email it to you, and perhaps YOU can post it and let your readers decide. Obviously having a big dish of beef chow mein would be the proper tribute. But if you're worried about Mad Cow Disease, perhaps you could just take a picture of the menu where it shows beef chow mein, and have yourself a couple of eggrolls instead. Unless you're afraid they might have Mad Shrimp Disease there as well."

He then emailed the pic at right.

This was in response to my joke that I am not a werewolf when he suggested as part of the London Challenge that I go to Lee Ho Fook's, as mentioned in the song "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon.

Regular readers may have noticed that he also latched onto this particular song when I mentioned omitting it from my London playlist. So he clearly has an obsession.

I'll admit that at first blush, Dirk's image seems to corroborate his werewolf theory. In my defense, I can only point out that this image, taken with a phone, shows clearly that it is daytime, and werewolves tend to transform at night. And therefore his image proves only that I should never do a post entitled "I am not a disturbing-looking weirdo."

Let me be clear: I am not a werewolf. I have never been a werewolf. I have no plans to become one in the future. I have not joined any lycanthropic-advocacy groups. I have not attended rallies on their behalf, or given money.

Once (ONCE!) in college I signed a petition because I thought they deserved the right to vote. This was largely because of the huge double-standard involving vampires and elves. I saw it as an issue of discrimination, not as a "werewolf" issue. As I recall, I was signing on behalf of hobgoblins, orcs, mer-people and no fewer than six different kinds of tree-folk as well.

As for the much-ballyhooed Werewolves of London themselves, I have been told by the locals that they are no longer in London at all. They got a pretty raw deal under Thatcher, and most of them now live in Rome, which has become something of a haven for disaffected werewolves from all over Europe. Weird that they don't mention that in guidebooks.

And for the record, Dirk: there is no such thing as Mad Shrimp Disease. But when getting eggrolls in London, one always has to take care of catching Lunatic Egg Syndrome. Which needlessly claims as many as three lives a year.

A weird coincidence: Mr. Zevon, and this song in particular, once cost me ten thousand dollars, which story I will relate to you at another time.