Of course, this would set the bar pretty high for next year...

A pair of glasses worn by John Lennon during the Revolver era are up for auction through the end of the month. They were given by Lennon to a Japanese man who served as the Beatles' translator during a visit. Bids are secret, of course, but the glasses are expected to fetch between 1.5 and 2 million dollars.

Now, many of you know that I recently had a birthday, and that most of you did not get me a present. I just want to say that these glasses would make an excellent gift. I would take them over to Lenscrafters and get my prescription put in them. Whole thing should take about an hour, and then I could be walking around in my special Lennon glasses.

The current owner of the specs pushed out the lenses when Lennon was killed in 1980, in keeping with a Japanese tradition. I don't know if the original lenses are part of the deal.

I can understand that some of you may be reluctant to get into a bidding war. I suppose, as an alternative, I could sell you a pair of my glasses for whatever the final price turns out to be.

Actually, I'll go one better. I will sell any of you a pair of my eyeglasses (your choice of about three pairs, not including sunglasses) for a flat sum of one million dollars (note to Brit Blogreaders: this is only 500,000 pounds!). That way, you even get something for your trouble while still saving possibly as much as a million bucks. I would be willing to fashion some sort of certificate asserting the authenticity of my glasses as well. It's a win/win.

Let me know if you're interested. I look forward to doing business with you.

A letter to the internet, and some questions answered

Dear Internet,

Is it really such a funny joke to have my wireless network collapse on the day that I quit smoking? I am not famous for being an overly patient man under normal circumstances, and your little prank was really not appreciated.

Small slip this morning, Blogreader, after the networking problem combined with a coffee difficulty to reduce me to tears. But I am back on the wagon, back in control and moving forward.

*****

Minx answered a series of questions posed by Clare, and invited me to do the same. Here goes...


1. What is the Book Whisperer?
The Book Whisperer is a mythical creature who can suss out the hidden meanings contained within virtually any book. A friend to high school English teachers and students. The most famous Book Whisperer, Cliff, has put together a series of small books containing the secrets teased out of many tales. If you didn't understand the part about the ducks in "Catcher in the Rye," a Book Whisperer can help.

2. Why can I smell when it is going to snow?
You can't. What you are smelling are the bodily secretions of the Snow Mite, a tiny creature dormant for much of the year, but who performs a vital function in nature by preparing the ground for snowfall. In the period before a snowfall, these guys work very hard, and end up sweating a lot.

3. Tell me about a road that leads to a world where there are no ideas.
Sometimes, the same road leads to your day job.

4. How can I get a memory out of my head?
Alcohol and time. Alternately, many memories can be removed by thinking of a pop song you dislike. The song will slowly expand in your brain, taking up all available room.

5. Where is Shallowland and what lives there?
My best guess is American suburbia, land of soccer moms and SUVs.

6. Who is the man that lives inside the sun?
Well, I guess he'd be a cousin of mine, since I live in the moon. Oh, you're asking who he is? Frank.

7. When did you first know who you were?
A Thursday at 8:23 am.

8. Why do gnats fly in spirals and never hit each other?
Practice.

Wait. Why do they not hit each other? Well, because that would hurt.

9. What is love?
Magnetism.

10. How can I capture a free spirit?
Tie a string to a stick. Use the stick to prop up one end of a box. Place a lure on a small dinner plate on the ground under the box. When the free spirit comes to investigate, pull on the string, releasing the stick and closing the box. By definition, though, once you've captured one, it is no longer free.

The Bee Gees

More weird little internet thingies today. Only yesterday, in fact, I learned that I can do better on a trivia quiz than a monkey!

I like this one because all I had to do was type in my URL and it does the rest, based on incoming links measured by Technorati. B-list certainly isn't bad. I do sort of wish they had some color options, though. Pink doesn't exactly go with the color scheme around here.




And I am apparently quite safe for children as well. I did this one a few days ago and was designated PG because I used the word "punch." I'm pretty sure I used it in the non-hitting sense, but they don't seem to have a contextual aspect to their ratings, much like the actual MPAA. Now, though, it found only a single use of the word "death," and granted me an all-ages pass. How "death" is preferable to "punch" beats me. My guess is also that it only checks the first page of the site, as I know I have used the word "fuck" a couple of times, in my Nano fiction excerpts alone. I believe I had a character say that something "rocks like a motherfucker," and another character echo that phrase in benign agreement. So tell all the kids to come on by the Moon Topples Big-Fun Family Blog.





UPDATE: Tell the kids to stay away after all. I guess these things can change pretty quick once you start dropping the F-bomb.

In fairness, I was a bit grumpy going in...

My friend Caroline was interviewed on BBC radio yesterday about her new book, In Search of Adam, with which most of you are already familiar. If not, click the link above and go find out more. I was curious to hear how she had done with the nerve-wracking interview process, and she had expressed concerns on her blog about how she would fare.

Due to a glitch with the BBC website (or possibly just because I'm on a Mac) I was unable to fast forward through the broadcast, so I ended up listening to approximately 2 hours of streaming broadcast from Manchester's morning show, complete with traffic updates, news, and a slew of other interviews before Caroline finally came on. That's more radio than I've listened to in years.

I was pretty sure I had the right broadcast because the host (Heather Stott) mentioned periodically that there was going to be an interview at some point with a woman who had been discovered and awarded a book deal through a "cyber-scout." While I knew that this was obviously a hook for the press when dealing with Caroline's book, I hoped that she would prove a little more knowledgeable in the actual interview.

My dismay and apprehension deepened somewhat as I listened, as the chatty radio personality interviewed another author early on in her program, and clearly had never so much as glanced at the books the woman had written. She seemed more interested in whether the author ever followed people through bookstores to find out if they were buying her books.

Finally, Caroline came on, and Ms. Stott waded into the interview about how she had been discovered through her blog, and how magical and wonderful that seemed to be. I felt terrible for Caroline when the host revealed that she was completely unaware that the book was already out, waiting in bookstores for her listeners to purchase.

Had she (or anyone on the staff for the show) done any research at all?

For all her nervousness beforehand, Caroline came off as cool and confident. Her book has some pretty dark themes (although I should confess to being one of apparently very few of the bloggers I know who have not yet read it—I plan to read it very soon) which were somewhat incongruent with the perky morning program, but she managed to intergrate these things pretty easily into the conversation. She even managed a preliminary plug for her next book.

I suppose I just wanted to blog about this because I was proud of Caroline, and because I was angry with the interviewer (possibly irrationally, as radio is not something I tend to enjoy) for not having prepared other than the "author discovered through blogging" angle. I've been interviewed on the radio before, and once choked so badly that all of my remarks about a play I was in were edited out of a segment on NPR except for one moderately intelligent bit. I know how strange it can feel for one who is unaccustomed to such a thing, and I thought she handled herself gracefully.

News in brief

Summer begins at 1:06pm today. So enjoy that.

Wes Craven is suing Pauly Shore. I did not read further.

The AFI released their new list of the top 100 films from the last 100 years. The top ten are:
1. "Citizen Kane," 1941.
2. "The Godfather," 1972.
3. "Casablanca," 1942.
4. "Raging Bull," 1980.
5. "Singin' in the Rain," 1952.
6. "Gone With the Wind," 1939.
7. "Lawrence of Arabia," 1962.
8. "Schindler's List," 1993.
9. "Vertigo," 1958.
10. "The Wizard of Oz," 1939.
Take that, all other films.

Please stop talking about Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody wins.

Yoko Ono is thinking of writing a memoir. I hope she tells the story about how she sold that cow for $200,000.

Hasbro is making a Stan Lee action figure. Perfect for wooden cameos when you re-enact Marvel comics movies at home.

*****

That is all. Hope my Google hits don't go nuts.

An email

I got an email from a friend of the forwarded joke variety. It read:

"As I was reading this I was anticipating sending it to you. I was thinking 'This is SO Maht!' Then I got to the signature at the bottom and it made me laugh!"

The signature was my own. I had written the thing. I wrote it for this very blog, in fact, last September, before most of you ever came by to say hello. It was my complaint letter to the Starbucks Overlord.

You can read it here. It's a bit better than I remembered it being, although not very polished.

It is a strange thing to be forwarded your own work. I felt my soul split in two. I looked at my hand and it faded away, exactly in the manner of Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Would she have sent it if the signature had fallen off? I suspect that she would have, and that would have been stranger still, if it had come saying "here's something you might find amusing" with no knowledge of its creation.

I am fine now, of course. Such frissons are never permanent.

Nameless Lion

So, uh...

...I got a lion...

No, really. Look:



Just a lion, you say? Well, he's also representative of my joining the Shameless Lions Writing Circle. So far, we mostly write about lions. But, you know, circular ones. Great, round lions who've eaten far too much from what I gather.

So I am supposed to post my lion, and add him to my sidebar, and then compose a short piece about him. 48 words, max.

48 words?!?

That's not very many. Here goes:

This lion, bestowed on me by Shameless
Is long of locks, checker-clad, and Nameless
his outfit might set your eyes a-popping
his mangy mane suitable for mopping
I'm told that my pal will help my writing
to my relief: I thought I'd read "biting"

So, he's named Nameless Lion, and I guess that's all I have to say about my new furry friend. I've put him in the sidebar as well, but not so close to Bonto the monkey that he gets any ideas. He's under "Miscellany," which he tried to get me to change to "Miscel'lion'y." No deal, Nameless.

If you look at him in the sidebar, sometimes he gets excited and tries to escape his bounding box to say hello. Do not be frightened. He cannot get out.

Should you desire a lion of your very own, click here. They aren't all checkered, your know.

The Moon Topples needs weird life advice from strangers

My friend Goodthomas is needy.

Trouble is, he doesn't always know what he needs. So he created a Google search combining his name and the word "needs." His results are here.

I decided to replicate his search to see if I could get some free advice from Google about my life. Since my first name only results in misspellings of "math" and results in other languages, I used my last name, and substituted my blog name in the results below.

The Moon Topples needs help with everything...

The Moon Topples needs to be in Houston...

But The Moon Topples needs to keep Griffin naked...

The Moon Topples needs to be better known among the American public...

I think that The Moon Topples needs to have the same attitude, just be aggressive...

The Moon Topples needs fresh examination...

The Moon Topples needs more space...

The Moon Topples needs to learn to value and love himself more and to express his appreciation for others more openly...

The Moon Topples needs 18 wins to move into the top 50 all-time...

The Moon Topples needs to be broadcast throughout the country (and world for that matter!) so he can start winning the Grammy's...

The Moon Topples needs to show a lack of specific similarities to support his case...

The Moon Topples needs to stop blaming the messenger just so he can enable himself to cling to propositions divorced from observed reality...

The Moon Topples needs to be carefully monitored by the owners to avoid drawing the naturally contaminated ground water away from the uranium production area...

The Moon Topples needs to meet some new friends...

The Moon Topples needs to be verified to be microbiologically safe...

The Moon Topples needs more revenue...

The Moon Topples needs to watch that...

The Moon Topples needs to get over it...

The Moon Topples needs to step up tomorrow. That's all there is to it...

The Moon Topples needs the spotlight the way some of us need food and air...

Thanks GT and Google, for teaming up to help me better understand my life. Now if only there was a way to figure out what I want. Oh, right. That's what Amazon is for.

This isn't a meme, but it should be. If anyone else decides to give this a try, please let me know.

Word on the street...

A look at what some other bloggers say about or to me in their comments sections.

I destroy things
"...Damn you, maht!...You ruin everything that is good and pure!"
—Basest

MySpace and marsupials
"...You have caused my MySpace confusion... you have a tail and bandy legs? What are you? A kangaroo?..."
—Caroline at In Search of Adam

On self-doubt
"...Did you mean you never figured out how to like yourself, permanently?..."
—Good Thomas

I scare people
"...I don't know whether I dare visit your place again..."
—Anna MR

I am sensitive
"...I'm sorry I tortured you...It was a thoughtless thing to do ..."
—Daily Straying

On dubious logic
"...I think that statement can probably be effectively challenged..."
—Minty

Arch-nemesis or Blogfriend?
"...I swear to God that I’ll not embarrass you like this again, and that I will insult you with relish when our paths next cross..."
—Periodic Englishman

My thoughts are tailored to suit
"...Thank you for your sartorial advice..."
—NMJ at Velo-Gubbed Legs

esac ym ni eurt yllaicepsE
"...Uoy reven wonk erehw rury rehtaf sah neeb..."
—Heart in San Francisco at Guilty With an Explanation

Big fake words about big real words
"...When you say "ginormous" do you mean that the letters are too big or that the blog spills over the page and you have to use a horizontal bar to slide across?..."
—Shameless Words

I cried and cried
"...And for goodness sake have a word with Moon Topples, will you? If he wants to hang out with the English blogs then he will have to get used to sarcasm and a life less literal!..."
—Inner Minx

Depends on the size of the microscope, and whether your hands are cold
"...People seem so averse these days to being put under a microscope..."
—Caveblogem at Pretty Good on Paper

Blogging by on my looks
"...It's a good thing you're adorable..."
—Ms. Baroque at Baroque in Hackney

I am insightful
"... Oh, Mr Moon, you have seen through my shallow words..."
—Ms. Melancholy at Confessions of a Psychotherapist

The market crumbles
".... I just couldn't work it out...I'm still struggling with the idea of how do you sell a blog? Like what exactly are you selling?..."
Verilion at A Wanderer in Paris

I spread paranoia
"...Maybe the helpful shop assistant had his own agenda..."
—Baralbion at airynothingblog

Teutonic tutelage
"...Maht, thanks for the umlauts!..."
—Kyklops

Simplicity
"...Maht, you're just mean..."
—Chris from The Scottish Lemon

These are in no way taken out of context. Why would I take them out of context? Just to score some cheap laughs? Does that sound like something I would do?

The Moon Toppling from TurboArt

Matthew at Turbo-Art made this. It's the moon toppling. Delightful. Although it seems to have finished toppling...

He does one-minute drawings if you request them of him. Go and see him.

Oh! You LibraryThing!

Been goofing around with LibraryThing, which is a nerdy delight. Basically it allows you to enter all of your books and keep an online library.

Once you get all your crap in there, though, it can also make recommendations based on the books you have, scanning other folks' libraries with similar tastes to tell you what you might be missing. They have an interesting feature called an "Unsuggester," which tells you which book you are least likely to own based on one you have.

So, yeah, basically, it's mostly a colossal waste of time. It'll generate little random things like the one I put in the sidebar. Most likely each of you is seeing a totally different collection of book covers. Imagine!

So I've put in 300 or so of the books nearest my desk, using a "CueCat" bar-code scanner I ordered for this task, which adds the books automatically (when it recognizes the book). It seems to have some trouble getting the correct edition cover in there, but there's a ton of user-supplied artwork you can use to get it right.

Anyway, I thought some of you might find this interesting enough to check out. It is possible that this is merely a side effect of how tired I am right now.

Return of search terms

I had many witty and delightful things to write today, Blogreader, but I am very tired from working a little too much this weekend. Please accept this lazy substitution: search terms that have brought strangers to my site.

First category: the search for softcore pornography. It has been established in an earlier post that there are people all over the globe who seem to think that topples and topless are the same word. I get these fairly regularly, but special notice must go to those who came here looking for "topples hous [sic] cleaning" and "topples boxing." The person who got here looking for "Neko Case topples" must also be applauded for having excellent taste in topples women.

Most of the searches for my first name are misspellings of "math," but I rather like to believe that the searcher for "cool maht" found exactly what they were seeking.

People are fascinated with the moon, for all the obvious reasons. I get hits looking for pictures of it on specific nights, usually weeks after said date has passed. The moon searches I liked especially well recently include: "the strange things on the moon," "when is the moon going to crunch to bits 2007," "what caused the moon to change" and "where was the moon on jan 4 2007." Orbiting the Earth, no doubt. It never takes a vacation.

Random recent favorites include:

why isn't ensuite a word in spell check

pictures of swollen glands (?!?)

evil haiku

free top 100 topples world

the maht week set

obese man eating

t (I got this one two consecutive days, just the letter "t")

cannot say hello

interpret shattered teeth dream

denise looks like

Edgar Allan Foe (six times in two days)

ten things a man would never do

100000 words for said (sounds like someone's having some trouble with a dialogue section)

Wendy and Lisa Revolution dissolution

nyquil + whiskey (This is in addition to the regular Nyquil searches I get)

not enough zazz

And, lastly, there are the werewolf hunters, who stop by occasionally on hits for "not a werewolf," "werewolf syndrome pictures" and, recently, "paintings of werewolf in sidewalk cafe." That's a pretty specific taste in art.

What reminded me to do this was the hit I got this afternoon looking for James Earl Jones' obituary, which made me go all over looking for confirmation of his demise. I was unable to find any evidence that the great man has passed.

What a grotesque disappointment I must be to all these people.

What Minx said...

I found this in Minx's comments section from my first time visiting her blog in November. I had never gone back and seen this, but it turned up in a Google search I did recently. It made me chuckle.

Minx is, of course, a friend of this blog these days. She's even in the linx.

"... And for goodness sake have a word with Moon Topples, will you?
If he wants to hang out with the English blogs then he will have to
get used to sarcasm and a life less literal!"

Um.

I fear she may have misjudged me a smidge.

A 25 question meme type thingamajig

Everything seems to be working out with regard to the family thing mentioned yesterday. We'll know more soon, and I'll probably blog about what's been going on before too long.

Thanks to all who wished us well.

I felt like I needed to do something frivolous tonight, and I found this meme at Grasshopper Ramblings. I apologize in advance for the answers I provided.

1. 1. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? Floating in the sky. Then I'd sell it to a rich person and get a place in London.
2. 2. What's your favorite article of clothing? My "the" t-shirt.
3. 3. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex? Eyebrows, smirk.
4. 4. What's the last CD that you bought? 3.2%, 6-months.
5. 5. Where's your favorite place to be? Somewhat to the left.
6. 6. Where is your least favorite place to be? A bit to the right.
7. 7. What's your favorite place to be massaged? Ego.
8. 8. Strong in mind or strong in body? Mind.
9. 9. What time do you wake up in the morning? Morning?!?
10. 10. What is your favorite kitchen appliance? I have none of the following in my kitchen: ap·pli·ance n. A dental or surgical device designed to perform a therapeutic or corrective function. From The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary.
11. 11. What makes you really angry? When people do memes with joke answers.
12. 12. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? Scalpel.
13. 13. Favorite colour? Black, usually. And you misspelled "color."
14. 14. Which do you prefer...sports car or SUV? In which category does my station wagon fit?
15. 15. Do you believe in an afterlife? I haven't even been able to prove the current one to my satisfaction.
16. 16. Favorite children's book? The Monster at the End of This Book.
17. 17. What is your favorite season? Basil
18. 18. Your least favorite household chore? Usually my job.
19. 19. If you could have one super power, what would it be? The ability to create duplicate selves. Two ought to do it.
20. 20. If you have a tattoo, what is it? Nope. I am unmarked. I almost got the mosaic from the Strawberry Fields monument in Central Park, though.
21. 21. Can you juggle? Yes.
22. 22. The one person from your past that you wish you could go back and talk to? [answer omitted]
23. 23. What's your favorite day? St. Crispin's Day.
24. 24. What's in the trunk of your car? A third of a hobo.
25. 25. Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburger? There should be a colon after "prefer."

This quiz made me happy

I am: Kurt Vonnegut For years, this unique creator of absurd and haunting tales denied that he had anything to do with science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

Obviously, I was thrilled with this result. I wouldn't have figured he'd even be in there, as his writing is mostly not really science-fiction, but there you go.

Old news for newer writers

I'm pretty sure I had heard this story before, years ago. But I came across this story again today, and in the context of the writing life, it caused more ripples than it once might have.

Jerzy Kosinski, in the days before his reputation was partially sullied by a story in the Village Voice which accused him of both plagiarism and excessive creativity (long story, read about it on Wiki if you wanna), was a hugely successful novelist. He was the author of Being There, the basis for one of my favorite films, and had won the National Book Award in 1969 for Steps.

In 1975 (and again in 1977) fellow writer named Chuck Ross wanted to prove a point about the publishing industry, and Kosinski allowed him to submit Steps as a his own work, changing the title and putting a pseudonym on the manuscript. In all he submitted Kosinski's award-winning book to 14 publishers and 13 agents, receiving rejections or no response at all in each instance.

The publishers rejecting the work included both the original publisher of the book and Kosinski's then-current publisher, who wrote: "Several of us read your untitled novel here with admiration for writing and style. Jerzy Kosinski comes to mind as a point of comparison when reading the stark, chilly, episodic incidents you have set down. The drawback to the manuscript, as it stands, is that it doesn't add up to a satisfactory whole."

None of the publishers noticed that the work may have crossed their desks before. Agents informed him that they simply did not read unsolicited manuscripts, or implied that the novel was substandard work. Publishers suggested he submit the work through an agent.

It seems pretty clear in this tale that the writing was not the issue.

Like a lot of writers, I tend to blithely assume that when I get around to submitting a manuscript, the process will go smoothly and I will have no problems whatsoever getting it published. After all, I think, by the time I get a manuscript into shape, it will undoubtedly be stuffed with excellent writing. Agents and then publishers will be happy to get my stuff in the mail, and they will be immediately taken with my work and offer me large canvas bags with dollar signs imprinted on the sides.

But of course, as this story reminds me, good writing isn't necessarily the ballgame. If my manuscript happens to land in the wrong part of the stack on some reader's desk, that's a likely rejection. Maybe it's the last one read before an exciting vacation, or the first one on a day with no coffee or after quitting smoking. Either way, seems like a rejection could ensue due to circumstances entirely beyond my control. Plus the possibility that the reader just doesn't connect with my stuff.

And that's if it makes it into the reader pile to begin with, which is by no means certain.

Some of the writers I've met through the blogging community are good writers. Judging from their blogs, and from the bits of fiction they sometimes leak to us, they are deserving of publication. And some of them are having a devil of a time getting the appropriate attention. They are told that their manuscripts are "difficult to market" or too this or too that. Some of the replies are encouraging about the writing, but none have decided that the bait on the hook was the succulent morsel for which they had been searching.

It is hard to fault the authors too much for this. And it is perhaps understandable from the other side of the table as well. Hundreds of manuscripts pass through these people's offices each week. It would be impossible to give each piece the attention it might deserve.

The lesson seems to me to be a positive one for someone like me. There might be a tendency to feel like rejection slips mean I'll never get published. But initial rejection is not necessarily indicative of a flaw in the work. I'm probably gonna have to remember that a few months from now when I start the process of looking for an agent and publisher for my work.

Blatant self-promotion

A very nice comment from Caroline seems to indicate that some of you were unaware of some of my other corners of this big, wonderful web we call the, uh...well, I guess we call it the web. Sometimes I wish I were clever.

To that end, I thought I'd quickly mention my MySpace page, where you can hear me warble a couple of tunes, accompanied by the good folks who used to comprise map of july, which was my band for almost a decade. Fellow blogger Craig appears on all of the tracks, and can be heard calling me a "nervous Nellie" at the beginning of the track from which this blog derives its name. And yes, I'll likely be your "friend" if you are on there too and ask me.

Also of potential interest is my Flickr page, which features some of my photography. The vast majority of the shots were taken in London. Some of them I quite like, and maybe you'll like them as well. Stranger things have happened. And if you like gravestones, well, you're in luck there as well. I took a lot of pictures at Bonaventure Cemetery in Savannah, GA.

The other thing I want to mention is that I'm considering sponsoring a short fiction contest like the one that just wrapped at The Clarity of Night. I didn't find out about it until it was over, but I truly love the idea, and am stealing it. I have no idea what form this contest might take, but the formula will be more or less what he's got going on, as I've already established that I'm not very clever. I'll think up a topic or an image, give y'all a time limit and maximum length, and we'll go from there. There'll be prizes and what-not.

If any of you have any ideas for some general parameters, leave me a note in the comments or send me an email and let me know what they are. The biggest problem I foresee is getting prizes for international submissions, and the mailing or sending of these. I don't want to exclude anyone.

Quizzes (in lieu of a real post)

I didn't have a legitimate post to do, and am tired from working on my novel (5,654!), so I navigated myself over to one of those quiz sites. (I had to stop my self from typing "stupid quiz sites.") Clicking on the bottom of any of my results will get you to that quiz on the site, if you're curious. I only ended up doing this because I still had a browser window open from a Muppet quiz mentioned by Caroline at In Search of Adam (links section). My results were:

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wakka! Wakka!" You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up. If only your routine didn't always bomb! You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

Technically, though, I'm Kermit now. Caroline was deeply upset about not being Fozzie herself, and I thought it best to acquiesce to her request for a trade.

I took half an hour and I did a lot of the quizzes they had on offer. Apparently, I'm 72% of a lot of things, including the shy result below and extroverted, which would seem to be at odds with the shy result.

And I can pass 8th grade math science, history, geography and history. This was nice to learn, as I did not pass all of these when I was actually in 8th grade. I was very, very lazy.

I promise I will actually write a real post later today or tomorrow.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama. Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time... But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you. You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

This one seems almost totally random. You just click an image and it spits out your results.

You Are 72% Shy

You are a very shy person, and it has started to impact your life in a negative way. If you can avoid human contact, you usually do. And as a result, you miss out on a lot.

How Shy Are You?

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

How Logical Are You?

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

New Links, Bloglines and how I accidentally helped someone

There's some new folks in the links section. People I've been reading and what-not. Click 'em if you wanna.

Which brings me to the devil's tool I've been using lately: Bloglines. Basically they just collect feeds for you and you can read all the sites you like at once, from within their page. At first, I marvelled at the convenience and ease of use.

But I noticed something else: Bloglines makes it far less likely that I will post a comment to a blog I read. You can't do that without going to the site, and since I'm just reading the feed, I keep thinking of things to comment but then then not going to the actual page and posting the thing I wanted to say.

The title of this post was almost "Bloglines begets bad blogging," as I like commenting on other blogs, and consider it a part of keeping up this one, and I haven't been doing that so much these days. Plus I'm robbing my colleagues of site visits, if they track those, and it seems like most do. So I think Bloglines has to go.

I had an Argentinian visitor recently who was referred off a Google search for "'preparation for the funeral' cezanne location." This directed them to the post I did from London about the Cezanne exhibit at the National Gallery. I think the painting is still there, that the exhibit is still up. It looks as though someone wanted to know where the painting was, and that they found reasonably current information about their question from my blog.

So that's nice. I'm like Wikipedia now. Chock full o'facts.

To keep this public service active, I will now reply to those of you who are referred by queries as to why Nyquil® changed their formula:

Nyquil® changed their formula because the old version contained an ingredient which people could easily convert into crystal meth. Seriously. I don't think this is a great reason. They didn't outlaw any of the readily-available huffing materials when people started abusing them, so why I have to suffer to make it a little harder to make an illegal drug is beyond me. It's not like they changed the formula and crystal meth disappeared. If it had, I'd have been all for the switch. But Nyquil doesn't do what it used to, and I've sadly abandoned its use myself. Now I use whiskey.

It's pretty clear to me that I'm blogging right now to avoid work on my novel. So I'll get back to what I'm supposed to be doing right now, and leave you nice people alone.

The other kids were doing it...

I've been seeing these on other blogs lately, and decided I wanted one for myself.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Very Sir Lord Moon Topples the Underfoot of Leg over Wallop Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

And that's Mister Very Sir Lord Moon Topples to you. Apparently they'll only serve the leg over the wallop. You cannot get the wallop on the side.

Hope you're enjoying your MondayTuesday.