Sunday, January 28, 2007

Return of search terms

I had many witty and delightful things to write today, Blogreader, but I am very tired from working a little too much this weekend. Please accept this lazy substitution: search terms that have brought strangers to my site.

First category: the search for softcore pornography. It has been established in an earlier post that there are people all over the globe who seem to think that topples and topless are the same word. I get these fairly regularly, but special notice must go to those who came here looking for "topples hous [sic] cleaning" and "topples boxing." The person who got here looking for "Neko Case topples" must also be applauded for having excellent taste in topples women.

Most of the searches for my first name are misspellings of "math," but I rather like to believe that the searcher for "cool maht" found exactly what they were seeking.

People are fascinated with the moon, for all the obvious reasons. I get hits looking for pictures of it on specific nights, usually weeks after said date has passed. The moon searches I liked especially well recently include: "the strange things on the moon," "when is the moon going to crunch to bits 2007," "what caused the moon to change" and "where was the moon on jan 4 2007." Orbiting the Earth, no doubt. It never takes a vacation.

Random recent favorites include:

why isn't ensuite a word in spell check

pictures of swollen glands (?!?)

evil haiku

free top 100 topples world

the maht week set

obese man eating

t (I got this one two consecutive days, just the letter "t")

cannot say hello

interpret shattered teeth dream

denise looks like

Edgar Allan Foe
(six times in two days)

ten things a man would never do

100000 words for said (sounds like someone's having some trouble with a dialogue section)

Wendy and Lisa Revolution dissolution

nyquil + whiskey (This is in addition to the regular Nyquil searches I get)

not enough zazz

And, lastly, there are the werewolf hunters, who stop by occasionally on hits for "not a werewolf," "werewolf syndrome pictures" and, recently, "paintings of werewolf in sidewalk cafe." That's a pretty specific taste in art.

What reminded me to do this was the hit I got this afternoon looking for James Earl Jones' obituary, which made me go all over looking for confirmation of his demise. I was unable to find any evidence that the great man has passed.

What a grotesque disappointment I must be to all these people.


Anonymous said...

The connection topples/topless had already occurred to me but searches on "Maht" are more intriguing.

There is a saying that "there is no such thing as bad publicity" (though Jade Goody might have something to say on that subject) so perhaps these searches will bring you new friends and influence people.

Failing that a picture of "Maht, topless" might help ;)

Email SilverTiger

nmj said...

i love not enough zazz. (that would be my second choice of name for my blog.)

moon, as the one who taught me how to use italics in comments, can you please tell me how to do links in a comments box, do you know? otherwise you have to copy the whole url and it always overlaps the box.

Unknown said...

Try being a 'Minx' for a night. The best one was someone looking for a Necrominxer!

And yes please, a lesson on comment box magick is much needed by me as well.

The Moon Topples said...

SilverT: While they sometimes click on a couple of pages, I have no indication that these more unusual searches have yielded me any legitimate readers. Of course, this is partially because nobody has yet begun a comment here with "although I came here looking for naked pictures of celebrities..."

NMJ: "Not enough zazz" is one of the only things in the list where I know that their search was somewhat fruitful. I used the phrase somewhere in here. It would indeed make a terrific blog title.

As to adding, well, zazz to comments, I have an idea how this works, but have never successfully gotten a link into a comment. I shall play with it and see if I can solve the riddle. I think you type in the html with an "a"tag like you do when linking in a blog post...

Minx: A necrominxer! [insert amusing observation] Sorry, I just woke up.

And I can now add "hugh laurie natal chart" to my list.

Anonymous said...

Actually - I'm busily trying to imagine what topless math would look like. Would the top half of the numbers be cut off? Would it be the top half of any long addition or subtraction arranged vertically?

I also shall present a suggestion/request to maht: please don't post any topless pictures of yourself. Sure - it might be funny and all, and you're a handsome enough guy, but you've worked so hard to build up readership of your blog. I have to think it would be counter-productive. Not all internet traffic is good traffic. The only increased traffic I think you'd receive would be people with interests far stranger than "toples boxing."

ian (who is topped as far as shirts go, but whose topmost part of the head where the hair should go has been becoming increasingly and ruefully topless).

Unknown said...

yep maht, you're right. To make a link in comments you do use them (a href links) but I don't know whether it'll work right here without it feicing all up.
This will
take you to an oul web design page thingy

I keep an (a href) line in a Word.doc on the desktop, because I'm always forgetting my syntax.

Nice perambulating ramble, BTW ;)

The Moon Topples said...

Ian: Really? No topless pics? So what am I supposed to do with the results of this morning's photoshoot?

Cailleach: Works fine, what you did. I keep a text file too, for blog posts, since whenever I don't have one I just end up typing "see links" or some such, which is probably rude. Never tried one in a comment before, though. I figured that had to be it, thought, since it includes the "a" tag as one of the options it will accept.

Ms Melancholy said...

My favourite search term came from Ms Baroque: 'middle aged woman blowing bubbles'. Now what exactly was that person looking for? (Well, perhaps it seems clear. So the real question is why? Why, why why?)

Nikki Neurotic said...

Wow, that would really suck if JEJ really did die and you found out from a search on your blog.

The Moon Topples said...

Ms. M: The mind bubbles. I mean boggles!

SilverN: That is exactly what I thought had happened. I recall what a shitty way to learn he's dead, especially as I've never mentioned him on my blog and thus have no relevant materials for the searcher.

Anonymous said...

When I participated in NaNoWriMo last November I posted my entire novel, as I wrote it, every day, all 56,000 words. Since it was a horror story based on the Cthulhu mythos, set on a Technical University campus, I sometimes get some weird search hits, too.

The Moon Topples said...

Cavey B: Cthulu? Yeah, I bet you do get some strange hits. Nyarlothetep hardly ever gets mentioned on my blog. Let alone in a Technical University setting...