How to say: "I think we should see other people"

Valentine's Day is February 14, and people everywhere are looking for that special something for their someone special.

I submit the following pic for those of you who have been unable to find just the right way to say that you are tired of your current relationship.

For those of you who may not be familiar with White Castle, they're the fast-food restaurant of choice for those times when McDonalds just seems too formal. They sell small hamburgers, called sliders, and they sell them in quantities. I am told you can order a "sack of 30" sliders without the cashier batting an eye.

To my knowledge, I have only been to White Castle once in my life: in the middle of the night following an illicit trip into Chicago during high school. Although the food was cheap and I was poor, I can recall no reason why I would ever have gone there again.

If you've clicked on this image to embiggen it, or have exceptional eyesight, you may have noticed that the sign is advertising Valentine's reservations. Once again, I have to apologize for somewhat poor image quality, but this was snapped with a phone from a moving car as my friend Rich and I drove by during a lunch break.

After returning to work, I used the same phone to call the number on the sign. I suspected they were being funny. If they weren't, I had questions.

They were not joking. The nice lady I spoke to never once betrayed any sign that this was a fun way of recognizing White Castle's status in the restaurant pantheon. It was clear that she believed this was something the company should have been doing all along.

I learned that reservations are being accepted for the period from 5 to 7 PM on Valentine's Day, during which time they are offering table service for groups of two or four. I was told that they will have candles and tablecloths, so it's very fancy. I asked about more romantic touches: flowers and chocolates perhaps? You can bring your own. Champagne? It will not be offered and you cannot bring your own unless it is non-alcoholic. There are no changes to the menu, and I was told that a sack of ten sliders costs $5.10 before tax. But, of course, classy visitors to White Castles offering table service should expect to leave a tip.

This particular WC is located in a largely industrial area. Aside from the Payless Shoe Source visible in the photograph, the other neighbor is a Taco Bell, situated on the fringes of a strip mall which no longer has an anchor since a large chain grocery store closed down several years ago. This is not an area where this sort of thing can be easily explained away as being kitchy.

This Valentine scheme would make more sense in Wicker Park, where the hipsters shuffle to and fro exchanging expressionless head flicks by way of greeting. There are people in that area who seem to be unable to enjoy anything which they aren't also mocking. I could see them taking advantage of this. Some of them can even chew ironically.

It is my understanding that White Castles everywhere are taking part in this experiment. You should probably book soon, though. A lot of couples break up on Valentine's Day, and this might be the hot place to do that this year.