Sunday, February 25, 2007

What happened to the funny posts?

I no longer amuse you in the ways I used to, Blogreader, and this makes me a little sad. I've been achingly serious lately in my real life, too. I cannot explain this. It seems, through looking back in time on my blog, that my last truly jokey post was the Writing Tip joke that people found so uproariously funny over a week ago. I'm kidding, of course. No one found that post all that funny.

I find I can fake it at work, but not here.

To those of you who keep blogs and have noticed that I don't comment very often anymore, I apologize. Between working a lot and keeping my promise to myself with regard to novel-writing, I find myself at a loss for both words and time. Often, I'll come up with something to say on one of your posts and then be pulled away for ten hours or so and the freshness has gone. Again, I apologize. I still read pretty much all of the blogs in my links section, and a few more besides, whether through the actual site or through Bloglines.

I suppose I'm in danger of being considered a bad blogger, and not participating fully in the community, and that's probably fair. I guess I'll consider myself a truly bad blogger only if I stop reading the other blogs I've grown to love, or stop wanting to comment and interact with you.

I still try to reply to any comment left here, and I'm trying to post as regularly as I can.

To those of you who have grown accustomed to speaking with me via telephone or email or in person and have noticed that I haven't been in touch lately, please read the above and substitute words more appropriate to your situation.

I suppose I just haven't been feeling very communicative lately. Those of you who have been around me a while know that I get like this from time to time. I disappear. I have nothing to say that feels urgent enough to express.

Mostly, right now, I just want to dissolve myself into my novel until I can finish the first draft. I feel like I haven't accomplished much lately, and the time I put into my blog feels a little like time I should be spending on the novel. I wrote almost eight thousand words this weekend, and I want to keep that momentum going, which takes a lot of effort for me.

I don't know if I should admit this, but I hit a wall on the novel tonight, fell into a hole, and am experiencing one of those periods where I think the whole thing is just a pile of shit. This probably doesn't help me feel funny and expressive either. It makes me feel terrible, vulnerable, and fraudulent. I went through this sort of thing every few days during NaNo, so I know by now not to let it stop me. But it still really sucks. I suppose I should take my solace in the fact that I've been writing every day for a week and this has been the first day that has felt like this. Perhaps that's some sort of growth. Or an increase in my capacity for self-delusion.

Having said all of that, it is entirely possible that I will awaken tomorrow morning, refreshed in spirit, and begin posting and commenting all over the place. Because those who have known me for any length of time also know that I am flighty.

But should I awaken feeling just like I do right now, I hope all of you will know that I still read and think about the things you say, even if I don't always stop by and tell you so.


Chris said...

Hey Maht, hang in there. The fact that it's dark, cold winter probably isn't helping things either. Being trapped inside starts to make one a little stir crazy.

I myself haven't quite figured out how the whole blog community thing works yet. My blog was set up more as a way for my friends and family to keep up with my life in Glasgow and selfishly means I don't need to type the same email 20 times.

The fact that now complete strangers (but they're nice strangers) are reading my daily goings on and have started leaving the odd comment kind of threw me for a loop.

I say, don't worry about us - focus on what you set out to do and write. The Blog will always be there for you when you're ready to return.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are feeling down and hope you will soon recover from it. Yes, we do like it when you are funny but we don't demand it. We like all the other stuff you do too, yes, even the sad bits. We are not quitting on you any time soon! :)


Caroline said...

Now - if I was near to you I would give you a huge huge hug - perhaps GT will do it for me?
Maht sweetie, you know that I heart you dearly (eventhough you rejected my proposal) and you always make me smile.

I get the whole writing thing. You know that I've been feeling the same way too recently.

Step away from it all and catch your breath.

I'd also like to say that you shouldn't try to be funny all the time - it's the snippets like in this post that give depth to you. I really loved this post and I like that you need to step away sometimes.

Take care hon.

The Moon Topples said...

Chris: Yes, I was startled too when I started to get people stopping by I didn't know. But so many of them are lovely people, and I want to stay in touch with the friends I've made here. So I feel badly when I do not live up to my end of that.

SilverTiger: Thanks very much for the kind words.

Caroline: I will entrap GT in his cubicle and attempt to extract a hug from him. He will almost certainly make an attempt to flee, but I think I can restrain him. Thanks much for your sentiments, which are very sweet.

I'm sorry you've been having some of the same troubles regarding writing. Knowing that you do, though, is a small solace. It allows for the possibility that this is a somewhat natural state to pass through from time to time.

Debi said...

It's not possible to be 'up' all the time. And if you never stop smiling your face will crack and crumple and end up in a heap at your feet, and you wouldn't want that, would you?

Hang on in there, Maht. This too will pass ...

Anonymous said...

It is the damned snow, Mr T. All will be well once this snowiness ends and spring springs forth.

How about a writing tip? Those are usually laced with humor and wit. C'mon, old sport, how about it?

Liz Dwyer said...

Everything in life ain't worth chuckling over. You are just showing us all the facets of who you are. Nobody's funny all the time...and that pressure to have to post something smart and witty can almost make you not want to blog. You do your thing and more power to you.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey, lovely Moon - it's ok to pull back when you need to. And when you are ready to meet the world again, we will all still be here. I heart you too, almost as much as Caroline does. (and I loved the badge you made her, for not entering your contest and fucking up the voting.)

The Periodic Englishman said...

Mr Moon - go easy, please. Your beating yourself up for no reason. I tend to agree with Chris - don't be worrying about us, just take some time out for yourself. You don't need to be funny, you don't need to be anything.

In fact, I don't really think you need to try at all. Because from where I'm standing, you seem like an effortlessly lovely and engaging man. Kind and sweet and utterly decent. I have a feeling that people will want to be round you whatever your state of mind. I know that I do, and I could care less about whether you feel funny or not. Simply be yourself, Moon, because you happen to be magic just as you are.

Take it easy, Maht.

Kind regards etc

The Moon Topples said...

Debi: Nice to see you again. Even when I'm "up" I'm not exactly smiley, so hopefully I can avoid the scenario you've describes.

GT: Soon, I will tell you how to write again. For now, you're on your own.

Liz: Thanks for the thoughts.

Ms. M: Thanks for the official therapist permission to be a little distant sometimes. Your heart is also appreciated, as is your noticing of the badge I made Caroline. You're a good Blogfriend.

P.E.: That's one of the nicest comments I've ever gotten. Thanks, and thanks and thanks. We've missed you around here, you know. Sorry I was callous and that you missed the contest. And thanks for diverting your readers during the contest, you strange, wonderful man.

Ms Baroque said...

Oh dear Moon, please! you are FINE. Writers' Despair is one of the ways you know you're a writer.

In my experience it is also as well to listen to the Periodic Englishman's words of wisdom.

I hope your two days of relaxation, new camera, texting and etc have refreshed you in ways you didn;t even think possible when you wrote this post.

(And as you still comment on my blog I shan't complain about the rest either!)

Reading the Signs said...

You do not have to be funny
You do not have to be good
You have said how it is and this is good.
You do not have to reply to this message.

The Periodic Englishman said...

Hey Maht - I'm just sneaking in here after the event to see how you're getting along. It's been a number of weeks now since you wrote this, but I am hopeful that your mood will have lifted and stayed "up".

I'm glad you liked my earlier comment, sometimes it just feels better to be straight up and nice without any complications - and I meant every word. Delighted, anyway, that it found you well.

I'm not really sure that you will ever actually see this thing I'm writing, come to think of it. On the off-chance that you do, however, then please feel certain that I'm still wishing you well and that my advise remains "go easy on yourself".

It was nice to see you over at my blog, as well, a week or so ago.

Kind regards etc....