EZ 2 C
So I was with this fella, right? 'E says to me, 'e says, "what's your name?" I thought I'm alright 'ere, I thought, looks as if 'e's got a few quid to spend on a girl. So I tells 'im. "Thelma," I says. "That's a nice name," 'e says. Well, we went on like this a bit and one thing led to another, if you know what I mean, and I got to seeein' 'im right reg'lar.
I didn't know what 'e did by way of work at first. Seemed the educated sort. Not that 'e was stuck-up or nothin'. Said 'e was in the 'ealth care business. 'Ad a funny mark on the back of 'is 'and. Didn't like to ask 'im to say no more.
Anyway, there we was one day, down on the south coast it was ('e's got a lovely motor), lookin' out to sea, all romantic like, when 'e looks at me an' says "See that ship out there, the one all white with the old-fashioned kind of rigging?" Well, I tell you, I couldn't see nothin'. So I says, "You sure? Sure you ain't seein' things?" "No," 'e says, "there she is, plain as plain. I knew she'd be back one day". "Back," I says, "what do you mean, back? 'Ow can it be back if it ain't bleedin' there?"
Time we got back to Bermondsey, I'd forgotten all about it. Still, 'e was a funny sort of fella. Nice, mind. Took care of me, an' all that. Another time we was up West, round Piccadilly way, late at night. All of a sudden, 'e says, "There, see that carriage, all white, just like the ship?" Well, I don't mind tellin' you, I did start to wonder now. White ships, white carriages. Wot sort of geezer I got 'ere? I started askin' meself. "You 'avin' me on?" I says. "There ain't nothin' there." "Oh yes there is," 'e says. I knew they'd be back." Right nutter, I was startin' to think to meself. Time I got rid of this one.
Next time I was due to see 'im, a Thursday it was, I thought, right, I've 'ad enough of this. This is it. No more bleedin' ships and carriages for me, mate.
You can go and try yer creepy ideas on somebody else. I was supposed to be meetin' 'im on the South Bank, to go up in that big wheel thing. Yeh, London Eye, that's right. 'Adn't been on it before. A bit scared to tell the truth. Don't like 'eights. Still, my sister Audrey said it was alright and you could see for miles. We wasn't even 'alf way round before 'e started. "See that plane up there, the white one?" "Yeh," I said, "all white". Christ, I thought, what's going on? Then I 'appened to look at the back of me 'and. It 'ad the same mark on it as 'is. Funny that.